Our life is centered around relationships. From our family, to our community, to the world at large, we can’t avoid being in relationships. Even introverts and shy personality types are in relationships and must engage with people every day. Who we spend time with directly affects our energy. It’s important to consider if the people in your life are draining yours.
People carry their energy with them
People give off a vibe. There’s a saying that young children and dogs can tell if someone is worth knowing. People have ways about them that make them easier or harder to be around. Their energy can directly affect the energy and the people in the room.
A stranger in a room can create a presence that can change the entire atmosphere. Additionally, there may be people in your life who always seem to shift your mood when you come into contact. Without intentionally trying to defend yourself, it can change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors just by being around them.
There’s more than one way to drain someone’s energy
There are plenty of ways for someone to drain your energy. Some are negative and some are neutral, but they all result in the same outcome- feeling worn out and tired after engaging.
Negativity is draining- Someone looking at the dim side of life, will drain your energy. People who are negative can make you feel defeated and tired in a short amount of time.
Problem solving is draining- Some people have a tough time solving their own problems and look to others for support and guidance. People who are always in crisis mode can wear you out and drain the energy you need to solve your own problems.
Talking too much is draining- Introverts and people who need time to recharge are drained by small talk. Though talking in and of itself isn’t a negative thing, for some it drains their energy and makes it harder to accomplish their daily tasks.
It’s important to remove yourself from draining people
Under a lot of circumstances, you can avoid people who have a creepy vibe or otherwise give off negative energy. If you encounter someone in a bad mood you can politely disengage and shake off the experience. If someone’s low energy is draining yours, you can exit their presence and reclaim your enthusiasm before their energy invades yours. If you simply must disengage from people in order to keep your stamina, it’s ok to tap out.
It might be impossible to disengage from people entirely, but you can limit the type and amount of draining people and experiences in your life. Identifying the types of people who tend to drain your energy helps. Limiting your exposure to them will go a long way to helping you generate and keep your energy levels higher.
Day to day life can be all-consuming. The minutia of our days defines our schedules while we allow our brains to operate on autopilot. Sometimes the need for a change from this continuous cycle is right in front of us, screaming for our attention, but we continue to miss the signs that life throws at us.
Keep reading for 5 signs that you are probably missing or misreading about making a change.
1. You Think About It
You can't stop dreaming about a different job, a different home, a different anything probably means you should take the time and steps to make that thought a reality.
2. You’re Bored or Overwhelmed
Is your job or day-to-day life utterly tedious or completely overwhelming? Neither is good for your health. Consider what steps you need to take to either make your day more exciting or to bring it down a notch or two into the tolerable territory.
3. You Need to Strengthen Your Weak Points
Are you racking up gold stars in all of the areas you know you are good at, but still have weak points that you can’t seem to improve on? If this is the case, you should consider what changes you should make that will force you to overcome these weaknesses. This may mean taking on a new project at work or maybe looking for a new job entirely.
4. You Feel Undervalued
Spending your days working hard only to feel like no one notices is a buzz-kill. Don’t allow your self-worth to be dictated by others in this manner. Start making changes to either show others that they should be showing appreciation or look for work (or friends) that will show their appreciation for you.
5. No Joy
Everyone needs joy in their life. If there is absolutely nothing in your day, at home, or at work, that is sparking joy for you then you need to find the joy. This may be starting a gratitude journal to realize what good exists in your day, or it is time to look for work or passion projects that will allow you to spark joy in your own life.
Change is something that everyone needs at some point in their life. However, knowing when you need to make those changes can be challenging to pinpoint. Sometimes we are so caught up in the day to day that we overlook the obvious - we need to change. Stop and listen for the daily hints that it is time to change.
Choosing yourself is a crucial part of your health and happiness in life. Many mistake this choice/trait for selfishness. To explain this confusion: selfish people always choose themselves, but those who choose themselves aren’t always being selfish.
Choosing you simply means that you put yourself first when it’s necessary; you take your own health and feelings into consideration and, when necessary, you put those feelings and needs over the wants of others.
People who are merely selfish always put their needs and wants over the needs of others. So how can you start to choose yourself first?
1) Stop and Think Before You Just Say Yes Out of Politeness
One of the most important and significant first steps towards choosing yourself on a daily basis is putting an end to the bad habit of saying yes to everything.
While it’s good to be open to new things, taking on too much work or too many obligations can overwhelm you and harm your overall mental health.
Do this: Pause when someone asks something of you, and say you'l get back to them with an answer later, then reflect on your own needs.
Can you take on more work or another event?
Can you handle a party, or do you need to go home and recharge your batteries?
Contrary to popular beliefs, it’s okay to say no to helping someone out sometimes.
2) Treat Yourself with Kindness
Part of choosing yourself first is treating yourself well. If you don’t treat yourself kindly and with respect, how can you expect others to do it? Stop being so hard on yourself; we all make mistakes, choose poorly, and miss the mark sometimes.
Give yourself a break and forgive yourself for your errors; as long as you learn from them, it’s all a part of life. A good way to practice this is by giving yourself pep talks throughout your day.
Do this: You don’t have to do this out loud, say positive affirmations and think positive thoughts. The act of deliberately thinking positive and inspiring thoughts about yourself will help you to overcome obstacles and improve your self-esteem and confidence.
3) Speak Up for Yourself
Another big part of choosing yourself is standing up for yourself and your beliefs. You matter just as much as anyone else and so does your opinion.
Do this: Practice stating your opinions, views, wants, etc. and standing up for yourself when necessary. You’re important and you deserve to be heard.
4) Take Care of Yourself
Part of getting into the habit of choosing yourself first is choosing to take care of yourself. You’re only given one body and one life; you need to take care of it.
Do this: Eat healthy food, exercise regularly, maintain proper sleep habits, go to the doctor when necessary, and do what you need to do to minimize stress and improve your mental health. It’s hard to choose yourself in social situations if you aren’t healthy enough to be in social situations.
5) Let Go of Toxic People
Letting go of toxic people isn’t only a step towards choosing yourself, but also a crucial step in maintaining good mental health. Toxic people bring no good into our lives; they tear us down and keep us there.
One popular opinion is to let go of these people by saying goodbye, good riddance. I prefer another way...
Do This: Inner Work - which is the practice of going deep within yourself for the purposes of self-exploration, self-understanding, healing, and transformation. When you work on yourself, you growth. When you grow, those around you who are not having similar experiences will fall by the wayside and continue on their own negative journey without you.
6) Remind Yourself You’re Worth It
This step is crucial to keeping steady with your progress in choosing yourself regularly and maintaining positive mental health on that journey.
As we said before, people often have a pre-conceived (and mistaken) notion of this endeavor as being an act of selfishness. However, this effort is more in the name of self-care.
You’re choosing yourself in situations where it is necessary: when you can’t take on a larger workload, when you can’t handle more obligations, when you need to remove a toxic person from your life, etc. You’re doing this because you’re worth it.
You are your own best champion, always remember that.